My mother’s affection
By: Zakiah Azalan
Mother is a single mother who worked for her three children. When my father leaving my mother alone in this world, she was bearing my third brother who is six years younger than me in her belly. And I was just five years old at that time too. I know nothing about this world and the last memories that I remembering until now is when my father want to leave for his work at night and asking me to take good care of my mother and my brother’s. Sometime I think it was a dream because I do not remember his face very well, but I took his advice as top priority. Then at midnight, my mother got call that telling her about my father’s accident.
Because she was suddenly alone and need to work hard for us three siblings, she got very strict with us. I always got angry and not wanting to help out her in my teenage years. Well, I could said that I was a very miserable girl at that time. I don’t want to tolerance with her and always want to win the argument. It’s maybe because she always got mad at me and scold me when the problem is simple and nothing much. I being responsible to take care of house and my brother. What I hate the most is, when my two brother make the fuss and I must clean it. When my two brother who at fault and I the one who must get scold. It’s literally that all in my shoulder at that time.
I am just a regular teenager at that time, nothing special about me. It is made me confuse and always bickered at home. There is a time I told my mother, why me? Why me that always got scold? Why me that must responsible to house core? Why I that first child must do everything? There a time when I cry like crazy because of stress being at home. I not get affection like others kid get. Never ever a praise when I do something’s good. And always get criticism on my work ether at school or at home. That’s why I hate my mother at that time and do not want to get close to her. Every time we share a story about our fathers. My mother always said my second child is most value and most loved by her and our father. She never said I being loved by her or thankful of me that always beside her.
I can’t stand of her accuse and curse at me until I was really annoyed at her existence. I want to leave the house and go to the outside world. I being down every day at home and only at school I was able to smile a lot and laugh like nothing trouble me at all. I close myself with people. I can’t make a good relationship with other my family like my uncle, aunty, cousin and friends. I was a timid girl with little knowledge of real world. I never go outside of this place. It is really troublesome for me and suffocate me all the time when I at home. Some time I was desperate of my mother’s love and affection, so I got her letter or gift. I bought something with my own money or write to her about my feeling. And it’s always end with bad situation when I tell her my problem and my feeling. That’s why now, I am not sharing anything about me and always shut down my problem to myself.
Now, I am an adult. My mother gets old. She not energetic like she used to. She not angry and stressful like she used to. She always want me to pay attention to her like a kid. She will get angry and sulk when I do something that make she feel left out. She will getting annoying when I not doing what she wants me to do. She will crying when I argue with her. She look like an old lady who doesn’t have anybody in this world when I dig old story about me and her. She feel sorry when I hurt. She get disappoint when I cannot back home in holiday. She will look at my face hoping that I will look at her too.
My mother’s affection finally come to me. She is my mother who willingly to sacrifice for her child’s future. She taught me that this world is cruel and you need to survive with your own hand. I love my mother’s more than this world because her kindness is overflowing that her bad. She love her child in her own way. It’s just that she is single mother that must do everything in her own. There is no one beside her that wanting to help. It just her and three little children in this world. Thank you mother for never let me hungry. Thank you for let me know that you always love and cheer me. Thank you mother because being my mother. I love you even when I married.
p/s: If there are an error in grammar please forgive me… I want to learn.
Credit Painting: Andre Kohn